This page is dedicated to the young people of the world

The Five Gifts

First, there is the gift of being alive.
Second is the gift of awareness.
The third gift is the ability to decipher
and understand this awareness.
The fourth gift is the power to choose based on understanding.
The fifth gift is the ability to support and grow
the things and ideas you have chosen.


When I listen I become aware.
When I listen deeper I can decipher and understand.
Then, when I listen deeper still inside me,
I can choose.
When I then continue to listen I grow and support
the things I believe in and love. 

***


Thanksgiving Message 2004
11.23.2004

Dear Friend;

Let me share a thanksgiving story with you. Last week I visited the Leadership Class of Woodinville High School. My son Edan participates in the class and his teacher, Mr. Vixie, invited me to conduct a self-leadership workshop with this group of young leaders.

Ecology is always important, so I came early to arrange the chairs in a circle and make the classroom as conducive as possible to our meeting. They walked in one after the other and soon we were ready to begin. “I am not here to teach you, I came here to have a conversation with you,” I began as I addressed these 30 bright young men and women.

“When I was in my senior year, 28 years ago, I felt vibrantly alive. Looking around then I felt scared because of what I saw in the adults around me. I did not want to end up like them. It seemed as if something in them got shut down or dimmed. This was how I felt because the really important stuff was not talked about. The big questions of meaning and inner struggles and transitions of life where not discussed.

“‘But they must have all felt the same when they were 17 and 18. It means they forgot,’ I thought. So I made a vow with myself not to forget and to remember to remember. I am here today to invite you into a conversation that matters because I remember.” Now I knew that I was getting their attention, because they were looking at me with big eyes and with suspended quietness.

Holding a sycamore stick in my hand, I said: “This stick has magic power. Imagine that when you hold this stick it will give you the power to change one thing in this world. Please take a few moments to think about this – If you had the power of this stick, what is the one thing you would change in this world?”

For a few moments they quietly wrote their answers. For the next two hours the stick moved from one hand to another. Each young person saying, “I have the power of the stick and the one thing I would change in this world is….” They spoke of their visions, concerns and dreams. I inquired deeper: “What do you mean when you say that? Why is this change important for you? What do you think will have to change first in order to allow the change you want?” And so on. We all listened intently. As we did so, we were acting on a request from a young man named Dalton.

Let me explain. Earlier this year a few of my son’s friends came for a visit. We were sitting in a circle in the living room. A similar question was posed: “If you could change one thing in this world, what would that be?” When Dalton spoke, he said: “The one thing I would change in our world is that I would make there to be a better understanding between the generations. I would make real conversations that matter, when we really listen to each other.”

“It is such a waste,” he said. “My grandfather must have so much experience and understanding about life and relationships and about what is important, and my parents, too, but we never talk about it. I want to know from them more about how they really think and what they really feel, but we don’t have such conversations. Mostly we talk about what I should or shouldn’t do.”

His voice was breaking a bit and his candid courage stirred something in the room. He then added, “It doesn’t make sense. Every generation starts almost from the same point. Yes, technology is different. But in the really important things, like relationships, love, living and other important questions of life, experience is not transferred. We don’t seem to learn and every generation seems to repeat the same mistakes.”

We all knew something very real just happened because the atmosphere was tender and electrifying. It was clear Dalton was expressing a bigger cry. His request for change could not be answered or pacified on the spot. It was a message to take home and to reflect on. He was asking us to imagine with him how different our world could be when we start to have with each other conversations that matter; when we have conversations that matter with our children and grandchildren.

Dalton helped me to remember my own vow to never forget. If Dalton’s message touches you as it touched me, you might have an opportunity during this Thanksgiving holiday to have a conversation that matters with someone. That someone may be your son or daughter or someone else. What Dalton was saying is that your experience – what you have learned in your life – is important and meaningful. His message was that when the moment is right, you have an obligation to share what you have learned through your journey so your precious experience is not wasted, and we can all be a bit better by learning from you, from each other.

I have found that when I listen carefully and intently to another person I learn so much. And then, after I have listened intently and purposefully, I often find in the other person a true interest to listen and hear from me. Dalton’s message was that one of the most special ways we can give thanks is by listening to each other and by appreciating and sharing with others what we learned. Through learning and appreciating together we offer thanks to all that supports and nourishes us.

I wish you a special and replenishing holiday.

Aviv Shahar.